


Four Times Steve Felt Suicidal

by Roverlord



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Suicide, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-26 07:36:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17137685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roverlord/pseuds/Roverlord
Summary: 1. Steve's mother's death2. Bucky's "death"3. Waking up & Peggy's death4. The snap





	Four Times Steve Felt Suicidal

**1.**

Steve lied on his knees in the mud, on his mother's grave. His tears mixed in the rain, he looked at the butter knife on his hand. It would probably hurt llike hell, but he was used to pain. He, however, wasn't really sure if he dared to do it.

His mother had been a good woman, but all her calling had gotten her was pneumonia. She shouldn't have touched that patient. Steve wss alone now, he would die soon anyway, beaten to death or not being able to afford his his medicine. He looked at the dull knife again..

"Hey, Steve!"

Steve quickly slipped the knife back into his pocket before the boy could see it.

"Bucky?"

 

**2.**

"Bucky!!" Steve cou!d do nothing but scream in despair as Bucky's fingers slipped between his and he fell into an abyss.

Steve tried to drink himself to death. He wanted to be with his mother and his friend again. The alcohol, however, had no effect on him. He heard Carter approaching.

"I can't get drunk."

"Your metabolism burns three times faster than the average."

Just Steve's luck.

 

**3.**

After crashing _The Valkyrie_ into the arctic, Steve woke up up into a world he didn't know. Everybody he had ever known was was dead, save for Peggy. He didn't dare to go see Peggy in that kind of condition.

Only after chitauri invasion, he did, as he was told she didn't have much time anymore.

"You should be proud of yourself, Peggy" Steve told her, looking at Peggy's family photos by her bedside table showing her with her husband and children, unableu to not feel a little betrayed.

"I have lived a life. My only regret is that you didn't get to live yours.

"What is it?" Peggy asked, noticing Steve's sadnes.

"For as long as I can remember I just wanted to do what was right. I guess I'm not quite sure what that is anymore. And I thought I could throw myself back in and follow orders, serve. It's just not the same." Peggy chuckled weakly.

"You're always so dramatic. Look, you saved the world. We rather...fucked it up.

"You didn't. Knowing that you helped found SHIELD is half the reason I stay.

"Hey. The world has changed and none of us can go back" Peggy told him, taking his hand "All we can do is our best, and sometimes the best that we can do is to start over." Peggy started to cough, and Steve turned to get a glass of water, handing it to her.

"Peggy..." suddenly Peggy looked at him like she's seeing for the first time since he was frozen.

"Steve?" "....Yeah?" "You're alive! You... You came, you came back..."

"Yeah, Peggy.." Steve tried his best to not cry, but lost it when Peggy started to.

"It's been so long. So So long..."

"Well, i couldn't leave my best girl" Steve says, crying "Not when she owes me a dance."

 

After Peggy's death and funeral, Steve started cutting himself. But it soon came apparent that the world needed him again. His time would have to wait. Once again.

 

**4.**

"Steve..!"

He had to watch Bucky die all over again. And not just Bucky, but Sam, T'Challa, and many more. He had to live to kill Thanos and fix everything.

He couldn't kill kill himself, but he could make a sacrifice. Then he would finally be with his mom and the others again.


End file.
